I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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