Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
