Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
