White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dicks are not precious.
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