it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
