i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
