I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
