We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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