Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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