my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
