plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize