Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
