I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
