i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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