Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
