dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize