No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
