Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
