She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
