It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
