Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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