We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
