I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
