operation harelip BJ is a go
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
COCAINE IS GR8
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize