Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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