I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
