u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I enjoy the company of your penis
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
