Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
