dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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