so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
