I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
