Me. At least after what I've been through.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
