Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I cockslap morals
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Even my vagina gasped.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
