Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
