whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
