I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
