She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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