Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
