Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he thought i was a dude.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
