Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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