She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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