I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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