dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
