He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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