you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
