Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
