Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Randomize
