i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
drinking out of a sandbucket again
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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