Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if only i could text you this smell
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
