just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How naked do you want me to be?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
