So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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