ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize