I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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