You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
