So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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