apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
