dude i'm inner monologue high
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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