I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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