Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
