we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
