My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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