Whatcha textin bout Willis?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
