one two three fourrrrnication!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
