I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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