the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
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