you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
