There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
