People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
