Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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