addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
