I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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