He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
