I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
