I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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