His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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