So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
