Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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