That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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