honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
