I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
