Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its about making memories worth repressing
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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