I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
