My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
