alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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