Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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