the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
