Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
