I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
