just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
