counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
