if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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