Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
