I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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