I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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