she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
