piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I will die if light touches me.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Im part way to drunk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
