I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
