He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
