I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
