we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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