Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
