I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
