Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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