woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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