We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize