drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
