We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
