Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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