It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
