I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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