Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
